The Book With My Name on It

Wednesday. A schoolteacher asked me today whether I was the Captain Nemo from the book.

I have heard of the book. Everybody mentions it. A Frenchman wrote it a very long time ago and put my name in it, which I consider a liberty. He got the submarine roughly right and the leagues exactly right. He never once mentioned Barnacle, which tells you how much research he did.

The truth is that I am the captain of these rooms, and these rooms tell their own story. Nobody needs to have read anything to come aboard. You need closed shoes and a willingness to be addressed through a speaking tube. Readers of the book will feel at home; everyone else will be too busy with the Beast to notice.

My name, she reminded me, is Latin for “no one”. I told her that is precisely the point: a man called No One cannot be blamed when the air runs out. She gave me a look I am certain she keeps for Year Nine.